Tech support: 'Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager.'
Customer: I don't have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: 'P'....on your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!
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Jokes "doing the rounds"
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Where appropriate, some of the word games in this forum have an explanation on how the game works and these are given in the first post on Page 1 of that topic. If you are unsure how the game works then please read these in advance of posting at these links: WORD ASSOCIATION GAME and Add (+) or Take (-) a Letter Game
Where appropriate, some of the word games in this forum have an explanation on how the game works and these are given in the first post on Page 1 of that topic. If you are unsure how the game works then please read these in advance of posting at these links: WORD ASSOCIATION GAME and Add (+) or Take (-) a Letter Game
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Trigger
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- Joined: Mon Jan 04, 2010 6:16 am
- Male/Female: Male
Jokes "doing the rounds"
‘Remember to look up at the stars and not down at your feet’ - Professor Stephen Hawking
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nikkai
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Re: Jokes doing "the rounds"
Reminded me of this
- Attachments
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The challenge is not to manage time, but to manage ourselves.
Steven Covey
Steven Covey
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funkychick
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Re: Jokes doing "the rounds"
that reminds me of the scam call I had the other day They as usual told me they were ringing to help me with my computer
them....Is your computer on ...
me.....yes
them....are you by it
Me .....yes
them....can you see the key marked CTRL
Me .... yes I can
me....can you see the next key to its right
Me.....yes I can
Them .....and what is written on that key
Me ....... S.C.A.M
phoned slammed down
them....Is your computer on ...
me.....yes
them....are you by it
Me .....yes
them....can you see the key marked CTRL
Me .... yes I can
me....can you see the next key to its right
Me.....yes I can
Them .....and what is written on that key
Me ....... S.C.A.M
phoned slammed down
Always be yourself because the people that matter don't mind, and the ones who mind, don't matter.
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nikkai
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- Location: Pakefield in the quiet bit
Re: Jokes doing "the rounds"
My wife got one and asked then to call back later as she did not know about computers. they did???
to same story but I said that the computer was not on ad she told me to turn it on (it was but they don't know that) so after about 20 minutes she asked if it was on I said no the little blue thing is going round and round. she said that was a very bad virus and I need to press this and that etc but I said my V-tec challenger early learning one didn't have some of the buttons it was about 40 minutes in all from start to them hanging up.
I really like those calls and can have some time passing fun with the Indian or Asian person on the other end I have even gone through several things but then said is my mac book the same as your window thing -- hang up
to same story but I said that the computer was not on ad she told me to turn it on (it was but they don't know that) so after about 20 minutes she asked if it was on I said no the little blue thing is going round and round. she said that was a very bad virus and I need to press this and that etc but I said my V-tec challenger early learning one didn't have some of the buttons it was about 40 minutes in all from start to them hanging up.
I really like those calls and can have some time passing fun with the Indian or Asian person on the other end I have even gone through several things but then said is my mac book the same as your window thing -- hang up
The challenge is not to manage time, but to manage ourselves.
Steven Covey
Steven Covey
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MEG
- Silver Member
- Posts: 630
- Joined: Sun Jan 03, 2010 1:06 pm
Re: Jokes doing "the rounds"
Heard this yesterday.I don't belong to the library anymore.I asked for "Fifty shades of grey" and they sent me a paint chart!!!!!!!
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funkychick
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- Location: Lowestoft
Re: Jokes doing "the rounds"
I ve had some fun with them to Nikkai well I dont think they think its fun as I have kidded them along that I m doing all the things they are asking me and maybe I m washing up at the time
Always be yourself because the people that matter don't mind, and the ones who mind, don't matter.
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nikkai
- Gold Member
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- Joined: Mon Jan 04, 2010 9:41 pm
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- Location: Pakefield in the quiet bit
Re: Jokes doing "the rounds"
Have been trying to find the link I had for a speeding notification where you just put a cars notification and an email address and it sent a speeding notice to the email address.
I did my daughter who when she got the email she flipped her lid as SHE did not drive down the road in question but blamed her partner. There were a lot of unrepeatable words going round (some I never knew my daughter knew)
The registered owner being responsible and it took days before she spoke to me when she found out it was a prank.
Took her partner some time to convince her that speeding fines do not come via email
I did my daughter who when she got the email she flipped her lid as SHE did not drive down the road in question but blamed her partner. There were a lot of unrepeatable words going round (some I never knew my daughter knew)
The registered owner being responsible and it took days before she spoke to me when she found out it was a prank.
Took her partner some time to convince her that speeding fines do not come via email
The challenge is not to manage time, but to manage ourselves.
Steven Covey
Steven Covey
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Trigger
- Gold Member
- Posts: 7106
- Joined: Mon Jan 04, 2010 6:16 am
- Male/Female: Male
Re: Jokes doing "the rounds"
Some visitors to Skye went to a local pub for a pub lunch. There was an old gentleman sitting alone in the bar, muttering in Gaelic. They asked the barman what the problem was. He replied that there was not really a problem, Cailean was just suffering from dampened spirits. We, being nosey, asked what had happened. He replied " as a gesture of friendliness, a Sassenach had bought him a dram, then had put water in it."
‘Remember to look up at the stars and not down at your feet’ - Professor Stephen Hawking
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Mel
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- Male/Female: Male
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Suffolkboy
- Gold Member
- Posts: 4681
- Joined: Sat Aug 24, 2013 8:11 pm
- Male/Female: male
- Location: Norwich North.
Re: Jokes doing "the rounds"
"Priceless" Nikkainikkai wrote:Reminded me of this
Always be a first -rate version of yourself,
instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.
“Art washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life.” Pablo Picasso
instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.
“Art washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life.” Pablo Picasso
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Suffolkboy
- Gold Member
- Posts: 4681
- Joined: Sat Aug 24, 2013 8:11 pm
- Male/Female: male
- Location: Norwich North.
Re: Jokes doing "the rounds"
Just love it Meg. I haven't laughed so much for a long time since reading all these jokes.MEG wrote:Heard this yesterday.I don't belong to the library anymore.I asked for "Fifty shades of grey" and they sent me a paint chart!!!!!!!
Always be a first -rate version of yourself,
instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.
“Art washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life.” Pablo Picasso
instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.
“Art washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life.” Pablo Picasso
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Suffolkboy
- Gold Member
- Posts: 4681
- Joined: Sat Aug 24, 2013 8:11 pm
- Male/Female: male
- Location: Norwich North.
Re: Jokes doing "the rounds"
Notice board jokes.
Notice in a farmer's field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.
TOILET OUT OF ORDER....... PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW
In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT
In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS
In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN
In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD
Outside a second-hand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS
Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR
Notice in a farmer's field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.
TOILET OUT OF ORDER....... PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW
In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT
In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS
In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN
In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD
Outside a second-hand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS
Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR
Always be a first -rate version of yourself,
instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.
“Art washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life.” Pablo Picasso
instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.
“Art washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life.” Pablo Picasso
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Trigger
- Gold Member
- Posts: 7106
- Joined: Mon Jan 04, 2010 6:16 am
- Male/Female: Male
Re: Jokes doing "the rounds"
“A Poem by an Old Timer” (and, before you ask, I did NOT write this - it was sent to me by ANON!)
A computer was something on TV
From a science fiction show of note.
A window was something you hated to clean,
And ram was the cousin of a goat.
Meg was the name of my girlfriend,
And gig was a job for the nights.
Now they all mean different things,
And that really mega bytes.
An application was for employment.
A program was a TV show.
A cursor used profanity.
A keyboard was a piano.
Memory was something that you lost with age.
A CD was a bank account.
And if you had a 3 inch floppy,
You hoped nobody found out.
Compress was something you did to the garbage,
Not something you did to a file,
And if you unzipped anything in public
You'd be in jail for a while.
Log on was adding wood to the fire.
Hard drive was a long trip on the road.
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived,
And a backup happened to your commode.
Cut you did with a pocket knife.
Paste you did with glue.
A web was a spider's home,
And a virus was the flu.
I guess I'll stick to my pen and paper,
And the memory in my head.
I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash,
But when it happens they wish they were dead!
A computer was something on TV
From a science fiction show of note.
A window was something you hated to clean,
And ram was the cousin of a goat.
Meg was the name of my girlfriend,
And gig was a job for the nights.
Now they all mean different things,
And that really mega bytes.
An application was for employment.
A program was a TV show.
A cursor used profanity.
A keyboard was a piano.
Memory was something that you lost with age.
A CD was a bank account.
And if you had a 3 inch floppy,
You hoped nobody found out.
Compress was something you did to the garbage,
Not something you did to a file,
And if you unzipped anything in public
You'd be in jail for a while.
Log on was adding wood to the fire.
Hard drive was a long trip on the road.
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived,
And a backup happened to your commode.
Cut you did with a pocket knife.
Paste you did with glue.
A web was a spider's home,
And a virus was the flu.
I guess I'll stick to my pen and paper,
And the memory in my head.
I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash,
But when it happens they wish they were dead!
‘Remember to look up at the stars and not down at your feet’ - Professor Stephen Hawking
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boatbuilder
- Site Administrator
- Posts: 56940
- Joined: Sat Aug 28, 2010 4:36 pm
- Male/Female: Male
- Location: Carlton Colville - Lowestoft
- Contact:
Re: Jokes doing "the rounds"
If it was sent to you by 'ANON' then how can they be anonymous as you must know them. 
Then again, maybe their name is Anon.
Then again, maybe their name is Anon. See my Suffolk Pictures at https://suffolk-world.com
S t r e t c h e d - O y s t e r
You forget what you want to remember and remember what you would prefer to forget
S t r e t c h e d - O y s t e r
You forget what you want to remember and remember what you would prefer to forget
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Trigger
- Gold Member
- Posts: 7106
- Joined: Mon Jan 04, 2010 6:16 am
- Male/Female: Male
Re: Jokes doing "the rounds"
It was posted on to me by someone who ended their email “Anon”. Whether I know them or not is irrelevant. And I know so many people - they all begin to merge into one! 
If they wish to remain “Anon” - then so be it!
If they wish to remain “Anon” - then so be it!
‘Remember to look up at the stars and not down at your feet’ - Professor Stephen Hawking