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Jokes "doing the rounds"
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Where appropriate, some of the word games in this forum have an explanation on how the game works and these are given in the first post on Page 1 of that topic. If you are unsure how the game works then please read these in advance of posting at these links: WORD ASSOCIATION GAME and Add (+) or Take (-) a Letter Game
Where appropriate, some of the word games in this forum have an explanation on how the game works and these are given in the first post on Page 1 of that topic. If you are unsure how the game works then please read these in advance of posting at these links: WORD ASSOCIATION GAME and Add (+) or Take (-) a Letter Game
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Trigger
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Re: Jokes doing "the rounds"
They put seals around the entrance.
‘Remember to look up at the stars and not down at your feet’ - Professor Stephen Hawking
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Strogger
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Re: Jokes doing "the rounds"
Why do Eskimos wash their clothes in Tide?
Cause it's too cold outtide!
Cause it's too cold outtide!
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Strogger
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Re: Jokes doing "the rounds"
What do you call an Eskimo who's a Peeping Tom?
Itookalook
Itookalook
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Dave
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Re: Jokes doing "the rounds"
A few Christmas cracker jokes to laugh groan at.
What do you call a line of men waiting for a haircut?
A barberqueue.
Why was the turkey in the pop group?
Because he was the only one with drumsticks!
Why was the snowman looking through the carrots?
He was picking his nose.
What did Adam say the day before Christmas?
"It's Christmas Eve".
What does Santa do with fat elves?
He sends them to an Elf Farm.
What did Santa do when he went speed dating?
He pulled a cracker.
What does Miley Cyrus have for her Christmas dinner?
Twerky.
What is good King Wenceslas favourite pizza?
One that’s deep-pan, crisp and even.
What happened to the man who stole an advent calendar?
He got 25 days.
What do you call a line of men waiting for a haircut?
A barberqueue.
Why was the turkey in the pop group?
Because he was the only one with drumsticks!
Why was the snowman looking through the carrots?
He was picking his nose.
What did Adam say the day before Christmas?
"It's Christmas Eve".
What does Santa do with fat elves?
He sends them to an Elf Farm.
What did Santa do when he went speed dating?
He pulled a cracker.
What does Miley Cyrus have for her Christmas dinner?
Twerky.
What is good King Wenceslas favourite pizza?
One that’s deep-pan, crisp and even.
What happened to the man who stole an advent calendar?
He got 25 days.
If it were not for Thomas Edison, we would all be watching television in the dark.
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Dave
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- Joined: Sat Jan 30, 2010 1:31 pm
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Re: Jokes doing "the rounds"
What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.
I love playing PGA golf, but to say I have a weak shot on the greens would be putting it mildly.
I saw a sports car being driven by a scantily clad sheep. It was a lamb bikini.
I bought an impressionist painting of some flowers, but when I got back home the cat scratched it. Now I’m trying to sell it as a Clawed Monet.
I sent a food parcel to my former wife. Fed Ex.
David Bowie’s favourite chocolate? Revel Revel.
There’s rubbish on TV these days, I tuned into one station and all it showed were programmes about ferries and seagulls. My advice? Avoid the English Channel.
When I buy a new television I always cover it in a thin layer of oil. I love it when there’s a film on.
My girlfriend likes to tie me to the bed and cover me in chocolate and caramel. She’s a dominatwix.
I love playing PGA golf, but to say I have a weak shot on the greens would be putting it mildly.
I saw a sports car being driven by a scantily clad sheep. It was a lamb bikini.
I bought an impressionist painting of some flowers, but when I got back home the cat scratched it. Now I’m trying to sell it as a Clawed Monet.
I sent a food parcel to my former wife. Fed Ex.
David Bowie’s favourite chocolate? Revel Revel.
There’s rubbish on TV these days, I tuned into one station and all it showed were programmes about ferries and seagulls. My advice? Avoid the English Channel.
When I buy a new television I always cover it in a thin layer of oil. I love it when there’s a film on.
My girlfriend likes to tie me to the bed and cover me in chocolate and caramel. She’s a dominatwix.
If it were not for Thomas Edison, we would all be watching television in the dark.
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Mel
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Re: Jokes doing "the rounds"
Whatever you do, do not download the new colander app. It drains your battery.
My Flickr pictures look here
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boatbuilder
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Re: Jokes doing "the rounds"
Rumour has it that Noel Edmonds is to take over the Brexit negotiations......
Well, he does have all the expertise for a 'Deal or No Deal'.
Well, he does have all the expertise for a 'Deal or No Deal'.
See my Suffolk Pictures at https://suffolk-world.com
S t r e t c h e d - O y s t e r
You forget what you want to remember and remember what you would prefer to forget
S t r e t c h e d - O y s t e r
You forget what you want to remember and remember what you would prefer to forget
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Dave
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Re: Jokes doing "the rounds"
Within Wales, men from Cardiganshire (Cardis) are not renowned for their generosity, munificence or open-handedness and this is why.
A Scotsman called Angus and a Cardi called Dylan met in a Glasgow bus station, both were broke and both were thirsty.
The Scotsman had an idea for getting a free beer: 'I know a barmaid in a pub near here who has got a very bad memory. If you get her involved in a conversation she can't remember whether you've paid or not. Let me try it on first.'
Angus went into the pub, chatted to the barmaid, and duly got his free drink. Now it was the Cardi's turn to try. Dylan sauntered up to the bar, ordered his pint and began to tell the barmaid all about life in Wales. Ten minutes later he drained his glass and said to the barmaid. 'Well, it's been lovely talking to you but I've got to be off now. What about my change?'
A Scotsman called Angus and a Cardi called Dylan met in a Glasgow bus station, both were broke and both were thirsty.
The Scotsman had an idea for getting a free beer: 'I know a barmaid in a pub near here who has got a very bad memory. If you get her involved in a conversation she can't remember whether you've paid or not. Let me try it on first.'
Angus went into the pub, chatted to the barmaid, and duly got his free drink. Now it was the Cardi's turn to try. Dylan sauntered up to the bar, ordered his pint and began to tell the barmaid all about life in Wales. Ten minutes later he drained his glass and said to the barmaid. 'Well, it's been lovely talking to you but I've got to be off now. What about my change?'
If it were not for Thomas Edison, we would all be watching television in the dark.
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Dave
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- Joined: Sat Jan 30, 2010 1:31 pm
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Re: Jokes doing "the rounds"
Snow White was returning from town to the cottage in the forest where she lived with the 7 dwarfs. In the distance she could see smoke, then as she got nearer she realized that her cottage had burnt down.
Frantically, Snow White searched the forest for the dwarfs, then she heard a a lone voice saying, 'Wales for the World Cup, Wales for the World Cup, Wales for the World Cup.
On hearing this chant, Snow White gave a gasp of relief as she knew that at least Dopey was safe.
Frantically, Snow White searched the forest for the dwarfs, then she heard a a lone voice saying, 'Wales for the World Cup, Wales for the World Cup, Wales for the World Cup.
On hearing this chant, Snow White gave a gasp of relief as she knew that at least Dopey was safe.
If it were not for Thomas Edison, we would all be watching television in the dark.
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boatbuilder
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Re: Jokes doing "the rounds"
Have you got 'something' about Wales, Dave?
See my Suffolk Pictures at https://suffolk-world.com
S t r e t c h e d - O y s t e r
You forget what you want to remember and remember what you would prefer to forget
S t r e t c h e d - O y s t e r
You forget what you want to remember and remember what you would prefer to forget
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Dave
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- Joined: Sat Jan 30, 2010 1:31 pm
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Re: Jokes doing "the rounds"
I saw 'Moby Dick' once and quite enjoyed it.boatbuilder wrote:
Have you got 'something' about Wales, Dave?
I just happened to find some jokes I liked, boatbuilder, and they were Welsh.
If it were not for Thomas Edison, we would all be watching television in the dark.
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boatbuilder
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Re: Jokes doing "the rounds"
You do realise, Dave, that boatbuilders hate wales as they can capsize the smaller ones.
See my Suffolk Pictures at https://suffolk-world.com
S t r e t c h e d - O y s t e r
You forget what you want to remember and remember what you would prefer to forget
S t r e t c h e d - O y s t e r
You forget what you want to remember and remember what you would prefer to forget
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Dave
- Site Moderator
- Posts: 30687
- Joined: Sat Jan 30, 2010 1:31 pm
- Male/Female: Male
- Location: Standon Village, Hertfordshire.
Re: Jokes doing "the rounds"
Murphy's Law states that if anything that can go wrong, it will go wrong. What is Cole's Law?
Shredded cabbage and carrots with mayonnaise and seasonings.
Shredded cabbage and carrots with mayonnaise and seasonings.
If it were not for Thomas Edison, we would all be watching television in the dark.
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Dave
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- Joined: Sat Jan 30, 2010 1:31 pm
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Re: Jokes doing "the rounds"
What did the dyslexic squirrel on Star Trek do?
Set his phaser on NUTS.
Set his phaser on NUTS.
If it were not for Thomas Edison, we would all be watching television in the dark.
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Trigger
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Re: Jokes doing "the rounds"
A husband takes his wife to a nightclub. There’s a guy on the dance floor enjoying himself big time – breakdancing, moon walking, back flips, the works. The wife turns to her husband and says: ‘See that guy? Many years ago, he proposed to me and I turned him down.' The husband replies: ‘Looks like he’s still celebrating!’
‘Remember to look up at the stars and not down at your feet’ - Professor Stephen Hawking
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boatbuilder
- Site Administrator
- Posts: 56906
- Joined: Sat Aug 28, 2010 4:36 pm
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Re: Jokes doing "the rounds"
See my Suffolk Pictures at https://suffolk-world.com
S t r e t c h e d - O y s t e r
You forget what you want to remember and remember what you would prefer to forget
S t r e t c h e d - O y s t e r
You forget what you want to remember and remember what you would prefer to forget