Jokes "doing the rounds"

[boatbuilder]

Latest post of the previous page:

[Dave]

Which country’s capital is the fastest growing?

Ireland’s. 

Every year it’s Dublin.

[Dave]

Vegans believe meat eaters and butchers are gross.
 
But those who sell you fruits and vegetables are grocer.

[boatbuilder]

As Gerry and the Pacemakers sang - I Like it!

[Trigger]

Once upon a time, a blonde became so sick of hearing blonde jokes that she had her hair cut and dyed brown.
A few days later, as she was out driving around the countryside, she stopped her car to let a flock of sheep pass. Admiring the cute woolly creatures, she said to the shepherd, "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one?" The shepherd, always the gentleman, said, "Sure!"
The blonde thought for a moment and, for no discernible reason, said, "352." This being the correct number, the shepherd was, understandably, totally amazed, and exclaimed, "You're right! OK, I'll keep to my end of the deal. Take your pick of my flock."
The blonde carefully considered the entire flock and finally picked the one that was by far cuter and more playful than any of the others.
When she was done, the shepherd turned to her and said, "OK, now I have a proposition for you. If I can guess your true hair color, can I have my dog back?"

[Dave]

A slice of apple pie is £2.50 in Jamaica and £3 in the Bahamas. They are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

[Dave]

If you ever get cold, just stand in the corner of a room for a while. They're normally around 90 degrees.

[Dave]

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!" The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Bob has been missing since Friday.

[boatbuilder]

Love it - and I bet it was even faster than 6 seconds.

[Dave]

I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."

[boatbuilder]

Judging by her area code, she must have had the devil in her, Dave.

[Trigger]

Before her fourth wedding, an old lady was asked about her husbands. She said her first had been a banker, her second a circus ringmaster, her third a preacher and her husband-to-be was a funeral director.
“I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready and the fourth to go.”

[Dave]

A man goes to the doctor and says: 'Doctor, there's a piece of lettuce sticking out of my bottom.' The doctor asks him to drop his trousers and examines him. The man asks: 'Is it serious, doctor?' and the doctor replies: 'I'm sorry to tell you, but this is just the tip of the iceberg.'

[Dave]

When NASA started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work at zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion developing a pen that wrote at zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300C. The Russians used a pencil.

[morty1753]

When NASA started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work at zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion developing a pen that wrote at zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300C. The Russians used a pencil.

I will just leave this here https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/the-write-stuff/

[boatbuilder]

When NASA started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work at zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion developing a pen that wrote at zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300C. The Russians used a pencil.

I will just leave this here https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/the-write-stuff/

Maybe you'd like to treat yourselves to one - although how you prove to yourself it works in ALL the stated conditions remains to be seen.

Fisher Space Pen on Amazon

(Note: the extreme temperature specifications are not quite what is stated in the 'snopes' link)